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Corsica – An enigma
By: Anita K. Bess

For years, I’ve wanted to travel to the island of Corsica and, finally, I made it there during May 2008.

I’m a believer that travel is transformational. Each time I travel, my experiences of the culture, the people, the food, the products of the local artisans all become part of me and go home with me either in the form of items packed in my suitcase or memories packed in my mind and heart! Traveling throughout Corsica is now a memory and a wonderful one.

To begin, a friend and I, François (her French name) traveled from the US to northern Italy and then to Ajacio, Corsica. I once read that flying to Corsica is like viewing the jagged mountains as though they are positioned in a rush hour. What a sight! The backdrop of the mountains is the crystal clear blue sea. As our flight drops between the mountain range and hovers over the sea, we come in for a landing. The brisk, warm island air greets us and the welcome by the local folks at the airport is just as warm.

Off we go to our hotel. Driving through the city of Ajacio we view the history of the architecture and the newness of the ships in the harbor. It’s evening and locals and visitors are finding their nesting places to enjoy the close of the day at the local cafes at the waterfront and throughout the city.

Our hotel, Hotel Dolce Vita, is positioned in a quiet/peaceful spot where all that we hear are the waves kissing the rocks as they ebb and flow and the restaurant staff laughing and clanging a dish or two as they prepare a wonderful dinner. Yes, it smells yummy and it was.

Our trip around the island takes us from Ajaccio to Calvi, Corte, Bonafacio and back to Ajacio before heading to Nice. The beauty of the ocean is wonderful and the interior of the island is as breath-taking. We drive through mountain ranges that are so magnificent that “oh my God, look at that” is said over and over again. From Ajacio to Calvi, it’s a drive that will definitely take your breath away. I drove and my friend clutched the back of the seat as we passed through narrow spaces between Emperor-like mountains and rolled our windows down to encourage the cows to return home before darkness fell considering they were dressed in black and drivers might not see them. What am I saying, “we might not see them.” We’re the only ones out here in this wonderful mountain range and, yes, it’s getting dark and, yes, we agreed yet again to begin trips like this prior to darkness and I doubt that will happen in the future; however, it’s a good thought.

We arrive at our hotel in Calvi which was previously an Abbey. It’s a wonderful location to rest and head out early to Corte where hikers and bikers from around the world find their piece of heaven. We’d read about the glory of hiking and biking in this area and as we get closer, we find it to be true. Our hotel is positioned on the edge of a creek that has emerald green water rushing through it. WOW! Across the street in a restaurant that is Alpine-like, we enjoy the local Corsican soup. The waves of its yummy smell arrive before the terrine arrives.

On to Bonafacio. The contrast of Bonafacio is like white and red compared to the interior and that is a literal comment. The mountains in the interior have much red to them and Bonafacio is a community built on limestone – white. Reaching it by car is a great way to experience this area. As we walk along the cliffs and see our reflections in the sea, we must go down and get in the water. Ahhhhh!

So, what’s in the suitcase to go home……….Local honey, wine, fig spread and, of course, the recipe for the Corsican soup. Can’t wait to try it.

Sending our thanks to everyone on the island of Corsica for their generous welcome and opening their island doors to us and our best wishes to everyone at Hotel Dolce Vita because prior to our leaving a storm touched that part of the island causing some damage to their hotel. They had their “hands full” of things to do as a result of what the storm left behind and, still, they found time to locate us in Sardinia to let us know that another hotel would be required for our last night in Corsica……….

Letter of the Month – June 2008 - UK

 

Beyond the Diet: The Art of Change
Interview With Anita Bess, Life Coach/Consultant - “Focus” magazine feature article, Tampa, FL – March 2009
Story by Lisa McMillion

“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, to suck the marrow from the bones of life; to put to rout all that was not life, and not to come to the end of life, and discover that I had not lived.”
- Henry David Thoreau

We collect it for good causes and plunk it into parking meters. Women go through it kicking, screaming and sweating, but dare you to say anything about it. Change is a dynamic word. In its most active, personal sense, it is trying to convince yourself to do something you wouldn’t ordinarily do – selling yourself on an idea, with you being your toughest customer. Any salesperson worth a nickel knows the toughest sale isn’t the easiest, but it is the most rewarding.

Somehow, dependent on our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us, we don’t pledge what we mean or mean what we pledge this time of year in terms of change, but we plod on and pledge anyway, quitting or starting again what we first attempted to start or quit, in that order and a few days later, with 360 or so more to go until the cycle begins anew. Why is change so hard for us? Why and what do so many of us want to change? Are the results we expect reasonable? Anita Bess, an international corporate and family life coach, shares this time with us to explore the questions we’ve wondered about ourselves and about change but were afraid to ask.

“Each of us has our answers. I’m a guide,” says Bess. Whether at a pharmaceutical giant’s strategy session or counseling a banker about finding personal balance, invited into a client’s life in Tampa or Puerto Rico, Bess partners with a variety of clients regarding – life. She outlines strategies here for every man and woman to begin making the changes that matter most, resolutions beyond the gratuitous pound or two of flesh dropped at the feet of the diet gods. She encourages us to question the motives behind our resolutions. What do we think will be waiting for us at the finish line when we lose the weight or get that promotion?

Do a Deeper Dive

“Many people know what their values are, but what are their beliefs?” Bess asks. Beliefs can hold you back or make you emerge. Beliefs about yourself and others affect every relationship down to the jots and tittles of day-to-day interactions with store clerk, boss, child and partner/spouse.

When it comes to inability to make a change, unexamined beliefs can make it impossible to stop a bad habit or to begin a good one. As Socrates said “The unexamined life is not worth living” -- so is the unexamined belief not worth believing. Bess encourages clients to discover the real reason they’re holding on to something by asking, “If a change isn’t happening, what is the resistance about and in the past when you’ve resisted that change, how has it served you? Moving forward is about changing.”

 

Scuba-worthy questions for diving deep into a desired change include:

If you’re not the only one to consider in a life scenario, these questions are just as important:

Celebrate

A gift to give yourself, according to Bess, especially at the year’s close is to take stock in life up to now, honestly recognizing, celebrating and appreciating what we have and what it has taken to get us this far… both the good and the bad. “Many people resist reflection, but we need just enough so there’s recognition of life’s accomplishments,” says Bess, “then we can move forward and set new goals.” The holiday dinner table sentiment of ‘What are we thankful for ?’ is a highly effective way of reviewing your life so far, both as an individual and as part of a family, but it shouldn’t be reserved only for the close of each year. “What if you’re part of a culture whose year ends in September? Are your reflections any less meaningful?” Bess asks, encouraging regular updates on life’s accomplishments and acknowledgment of reached benchmarks throughout the year. “It’s important to speak out what you’ve accomplished as a family,” says Bess. “In addition to the new car you’ve bought or the new home, what about the emotional things?” Journal accomplishments or, if you don’t like to write, announce the good news to a trusted friend or confidant. “Do what works for your personality style; share it in a way that works for you, but do leave a trace… put it in a letter or call someone and tell them.”

Ready, Set, Goal

“In training for the Olympics, Michael Phelps swam every day – including Christmas. Not everyone has to work seven days a week to be successful. It’s important to know first what’s normal for you, then to know how you want to be stretched,” says Bess. Once a person narrows down what he or she really wants, it is easier to measure actions against goals to determine inconsistencies – actions taken that don’t fit or serve the defined goal. “So many people today tell me they want ‘to make a difference’, yet some don’t know exactly what that means to them,” Bess explains. Start by asking yourself ‘why’.

The act and art of moving from where we are to where we want to be lies in the destination and the mapping-out -- otherwise known as goal-setting. Setting goals can be as simple as determining where you want to be, then working backwards to establish mini-goals to get there. A life-balance wheel is one visual way to review the elements of your life that matter to you, checking your equilibrium like you would check your car tires for proper rotation to extend and enhance their ‘lives’ and reduce the chance for frazzle. It is a circle with each spoke of the wheel representing the roles you play in life, like ‘spouse’ or ‘manager’, ‘parent’ or ‘friend’. You may also draw your wheel to include spokes that stand for the things you value in life such as creativity, physical fitness, or positive attitude. At the center of the wheel, numbered out toward the roles and values are concentric circles representing 0 at the smallest center, then spaced from one to five, with five being the highest ranking, touching the goal listed at the end of the spoke. When you plot where you would value each area of your life, ideally your circle would be perfectly round. For those with wheels that end up looking more like a flat-tire or a drunken constellation, take heart! This is just the beginning, a way to see where you’re off balance and what you need to prioritize today. (For a free life-balance wheel illustration, visit www.mindtools.com).

The key to success at changing ourselves and our lives for the better is an inner realization of the difference between stating a goal (I want that) and putting into action a plan to make it happen (Here’s what I’ll do to get that) even if the plan must change from what you originally thought. “It is very important to set accountability toward meeting your goals. Find an accountability partner, whether he or she is a life coach, a friend, or a business associate,” Bess explains, cautioning, “and first, be accountable to yourself.”
The highest level of accountability to ourselves and to others can happen when we exercise ‘appreciative inquiry’, questioning ourselves and those closest to us to define our beliefs and goals and to make the best decisions now, rather than reactively dealing with life as it happens willy-nilly. Bess gives the example of a stay-at-home dad and an Executive Mom. “The dad takes the lead in childcare and the mom takes the lead in a corporation. They’ve made the decision together, but there’s a gap in communication. What’s the end date of the arrangement?” In her scenario, the children grow, but there’s been no revamping of plans and as the responsibility of childcare lessens and Mom climbs to the canopy of the concrete jungle, life below for dad is disillusionment and a loss of identity. “Then it becomes, ‘How are we going to have the conversation that says ‘I want to change the plan now’? Having a timetable at the forefront, being clear about why you’re doing something and for how long, makes it a lot easier to reassess later.”

Goal revision or ‘recalibration’ is important, according to Bess. “January is a marker for us to evaluate our lives. We can evaluate our lives and our goals, asking, ‘Is there something important for me to shed or drop off?” Likening it to a snake shedding a skin that no longer fits, Bess says it is an act essential to growing or birthing/creating something new. One tool you can use to debut a new, positive behavior pattern is to simply say, ‘I don’t do that anymore’. Say it first to yourself, then to anyone who asks about, encourages, or still associates you with the discarded old behavior as in ‘Let’s get dessert, Lisa. I’m thinking cheesecake,’ to which the new me might reply, ‘Sorry, Cathy. I don’t eat cheesecake anymore.”

Dreams aren’t copyrighted and in the world of goal setting and accomplishing positive change for the better, imitation is not an ugly word. “When people are uncertain how to set goals to reach their accomplishments, it’s okay to consider the people they admire. Who are some people we can mirror and what are the characteristics that make us admire them? What has caused them to succeed?” asks Bess.

Waist Not, Want Not

You can’t be a life coach or coach of any kind without encountering your fair share of people wanting to ‘get lost’ where extra weight is concerned. According to Bess, success and goal setting in weight loss are more than just your BMI or getting into your ‘skinny jeans’ again. “It all goes back to what are our beliefs and what are we holding onto?” she says. To avoid unrealistic expectations and let-down, Bess recommends asking yourself “If there is less weight on my body, what will that do for me?” If living longer and healthier is the answer, then success may not be far off. But if the answer treads upon acceptance, ultimate success, complete happiness, or perfection, disappointment is lurking somewhere in the shadows. “Many times, it’s not about the diet, it’s about something else,” says Bess, adding “I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want to look good, but what else is going on in there?”

NOW -- The Most Important Thing

Bess’ never-fail, aha moment lies is a single word that gives her chills when she thinks of how critical it is to the business of ‘life’. “NOW” she says. “Some people may think ‘How can I be goal-oriented living in ‘now’?" If a person is really interested in living, he or she can’t live in the future -- tomorrow is not here, and yesterday is gone. We can make plans to accomplish our vision of what we want in the future. According to Bess, it is essential to live in whatever we’re doing now, to flow with the moment, not ahead of it or lagging behind; to live as Thoreau did without necessarily having to retreat to the woods – sucking the marrow from the bones of life, in whatever way it holds the most meaning for us.

“Think about a triathlete in training,” Bess illustrates. “If he’s swimming, then he’s not thinking about how he’s going to win the race running. Live what it is that you’re doing.”

Bess’ final recommendation to drive present-mindedness home is to read the book ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle. Make it a gift to yourself, the first read of your new journey on the path toward change, keeping in mind that the best book is your own story, and the most intriguing part is the page you’re writing today. “You are the editor of your life. Where are you going to use your most creative language?” asks Bess.



Anita Bess is President of Bess & Associates. Her specialty is ‘life’, reaching across corporate, family, national, international and cultural borders. For more information about her life coaching principles, email her at AnitaBess-Associates@nc.rr.com or call 919-467-6102.